I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need moral support for this bender
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
