just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
