Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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