please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
whose parrot is this?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
