So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
