Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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