Sponge bath it is.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
