eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
tell me about the fingering
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
