i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
