My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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