dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
