and she was petting her beer can
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
