remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
