Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
