hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
