She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
