apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
