So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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