I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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