I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
