Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The air taste purple.
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