There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
