Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
