It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
