I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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