I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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