Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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