"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
