Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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