Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You made out with two different species that night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
