were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
