I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
