i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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