yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she smelled like a LAN party
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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