i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
