I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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