Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dick very happy bro
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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