I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
