Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
