you have to choose: penises or morals?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
