you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
