if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
