Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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