dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
