Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
