So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
