i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
