Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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