what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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