if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
