You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
