why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
