shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
