The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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