you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
