Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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