I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
