i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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