im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
