you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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