Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
