he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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