You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
