my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
