Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
