It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
