I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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