Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
