I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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