my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
