So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
