After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
