Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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